How do you like your coffee?
Is usually a nice question to be asked in any interview, if somewhat passive aggressive in the UK. Where it can be translated into,
“I’m challenging you to dare to ask for a tea, come at me bro.”
That is except these days you’re more likely to be being interviewed via Skype or similar and the person may well be thousands of miles away, oceans apart on another continent.
In which case they’re most likely saying;
1 Go and make the coffee yourself
2 I’m going to pay JustDrink to deliver a coffee to you at your desk by drone
3 They belong to a religious group that forbids caffeinated drinks and they have a kinky fascination with hot drinks that aren’t herbal tea.
4 This is a sneaky way for me to read your very soul and to learn your dark secrets via your coffee preference.
Because if you’re a writer how you drink coffee says a lot about yourself. If you’re asking for a Tall, cappuccino with blah blah. You’re saying that you work mostly in Starbucks meaning either haven’t actually got a desk at home or you neurotically need the valorisation of strangers looking at you and thinking,
“Hey that guys working on a screenplay I bet it’s awesome!”
As opposed to,
“Hey he’s nicked the comfiest chair in Starbucks to check his Facebook, as soon as he goes to the toilet I’m stealing his Airbook.”
If you say a super strong cup of coffee blacker than a black hole at night, made from insanity coffee beans grown in the same Guatemalan insane asylum Chief Wiggum gets his chilli peppers. Then you’ve just said,
“I’ve got insomnia and play online games all night, I might write your article at some point.”
If you said a Starbucks Unicorn drink you’re not whimsical fun or possibly gay. You’ve probably just got diabetes and are colour blind.
So in a world of quick online interviews it’s always worth remembering that you and the person you’re chatting with is trying to get a quick glimpse into your soul. Via often the most straightforward and mundane of questions do you open the key to your very inner you.
As such here are my preferred answers to the question how do I like my coffee?
1 Nescafe in a Styrofoam cup and getting paid on time.